Interview with Lady Catherine de Bourgh
In celebration of Karen Aminadra’s debut novel, Charlotte~ Pride and Prejudice Continues, I have decided to take on the formidable task of interviewing Lady Catherine. While Aminadra’s Lady Cat is one of the most villainous I have seen, I managed to hold my own during the interview and walk away with only a few minor scrapes.
Good afternoon, Lady Cat. May I call you that, as I find it fits so well since you always have your claws drawn.
No, you may not! Impertinent child! A person of my standing ought to be addressed correctly, and if you cannot find manners enough to address me correctly, then consider this interview at an end. You may refer to me as Your Ladyship.
Moreover, what do you mean, claws drawn? I am known up and down the land as most generous, kind and caring. Indeed, yes I am.
My sincerest apologies, Your Ladyship. May I offer you some tea?
Yes, you may. No sugar, just a drop of milk.
I must say this is a very small room you have here. How inconvenient! Why, you could only get six or seven people in here. Most incommodious!
I find it serves my purposes quite adequately, but thank you. Now then, I know you are a very busy woman, carefully instructing those in your employ and tenants in all matters, so I will attempt making this quick. I will ask you a few questions, and if you would be so kind as to answer them with the first answer that pops into your head, I would be eternally grateful!
Yes, of course you would. Most people are grateful you know, and I am never remiss in my attention to those whose rank is beneath my own. It is the least I could do.
You are too kind. If you could have been truly proficient in ONE thing, what would it have been?
Oh, if I could have been truly proficient my dear, it would have been in all things. Just like my Anne.
However, if you must press me for an answer by staring at me so, I choose playing the pianoforte. Yes, that would have pleased me greatly. It pains me that I never learnt, but my time was much more usefully spent. Yes, indeed, take a look around you. I did not acquire Rosings Park, a title and my fortune by idling my time away frivolously playing the pianoforte my dear.
You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. Is the reason you do not wish others to marry for love because you are jealous you didn’t?
I beg your pardon? You are decidedly impertinent for so young a person. I am not used to such behaviour!
But now that you mention it, I did not indeed marry for love. Neither would I expect anyone to be so foolish. Love indeed! Pray tell me, what love has to do with matrimony?
Let’s just agree to disagree on that point, shall we? Now that your nephew, Mr. Darcy, is married to the bewitching Elizabeth, to whom do you have your cap set now for Anne? By the way, rumors have it that you are planning a house party!
Yes, my dear Anne. Who could resist such charm, such elegance and beauty? I was considered a beauty in my day too, you know.
I digress. I have a few young men in mind. Colonel Fitzwilliam would be perfect. Alas, he has no property but he has fortune enough. Then, there is the sixth Duke of Devonshire, now he is most eligible. He owns Chatsworth, you know. Yes, he would suit if he were not such a close friend of the Regent.
Sounds promising! What were your real intentions in detaining Mr. Collins on Christmas? It is rumored you detained the parson so Mrs. Collins’s Christmas dinner would spoil.
Detain? Detain, Mr Collins? What a notion! My dear, I do not know who fills your head with such nonsense!
I cannot imagine that Mrs Collins had set as handsome a table for him as I offered him, mind you. Mr Collins visited me on Christmas day, and of course he stayed longer than he intended. However, they always do. Once a guest is here, they seldom want to leave again. Such is the attraction of Rosings to all.
*Snort* I’m sure that is why. With Mrs. Collins’s help, Mr. Collins changes, (in a whisper) and some would even say for the better, what are your true thoughts on the matter?
Change? I never saw it. Nonsense child.
Although that woman, my nephew’s wife, and Mr Collins’ own wayward wife I am sure have worked their arts on him. That woman is such a manipulator of men! Just look at the way she ensnared my nephew! Yes, you mark my words, my dear; if Mr Collins has indeed changed, they are to blame. Poor man!
In closing, if you could impart readers with one last piece of sage advice, you would tell them…
Always respect your betters, defer to their judgment. They know better than you.
Do not interrupt! I am not finished, never speak until spoken to.
Most importantly, never seek to quit the sphere in which you have been brought up, keep to your own rank and station. It is the way things have always been, and the way they should always remain.
Well, thank you for honoring me with your presence today, Your Ladyship. This was truly an… enlightening experience.
Yes, I am sure it was. I wish I could repay the compliment.
Whew! Now that you have gotten to know Lady Cat a little better, I hope she has not scared you off. If our dear Charlotte can find the courage to stand up to the Gand Damme, hopefully you will find your own and pick up a copy of Charlotte~ Pride and Prejudice Continues